THE PHYSICAL EXAM: THIGHS MATTERS

by DR.ALMAZ · 17 views Published 09.02.2021 · Updated 09.02.2021

Underneath the spreading tissue is the largest bone in the body, known as the femur. The femur connects the knee to the groin. Now, my use of the phrase, knee to the groin has probably brought out one of two responses in my readers:

A dull moan accompanied by cold sweats from male readers who had PTSD flashbacks to middle school
A desire to watch the popular TV show, America’s Funniest Videos, which has built an empire on traumatic groin injuries.

It is interesting that two totally-opposite reactions would happen from the use of one phrase: “knee to the groin.” I would speculate that it was a male traumatized in middle school who chose the name “femur” was chosen instead of “humerus” or “funny bone.” Clearly the people who make the show America’s Funniest Videos are the ones in middle school who were associated with kneeing, not groining. Either that, or they have exceptionally good therapists.

Double-entendres aside, there is one thing about the femur none can deny: it’s big. Orthopedists, who definitely were the doctors doing the kneeing and not the groining during medical school, go one step further, calling the femur a big honking bone. Paleontologists (who were more likely on the receiving end of the knee/groin transaction) also are prone to use the word “honking” (or it’s language equivalent) in reference to the femurs found as dinosaur fossils.

Some scientists believe that the bone in the hair of this child (nicknamed “Pebbles” for unknown reasons) is a femur, noting the similarity to the big honking bone the paleontologist with the sign is standing next to. Others eschew this theory, pointing the lack of the ball-shaped portion of the bone (acetabulum) that inserts into the hip. The first scientists call the second group a bunch of smart-acetabulums, leading to some more knee/groin interactions. Despite the acrimony of this debate, all scientists agree on one thing: that’s one darling little girl.

(Note, astute reader Ngsurgery corrected me on this one, as the ball portion is actually the head of the femur, while the acetabulum is the socket the head goes into. I won’t change it, as it would make the smart-acetabulum pun drop in its funniness quotient. I appreciate sharp readers pointing out my brain farts).

The femur isn’t the only part of the thigh with size as it’s claim to fame. The sartorius muscle, in its circuitous course from outer pelvis to inner knee, is the longest muscle in the body.

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